Have you ever wondered why you do some of the things you do… even though they don’t seem to be moving you in the direction of your goals?
As I woke up this morning … in my nice warm bed, I began to think…”It would be really nice to hit the snooze bar a few times (as I have done in the past).”
But then my mind started to remember the goals that I passionately want to achieve and I began to wonder… why do I procrastinate? Why do I sometimes do things that take me off the direct path to my goals?
As I was thinking about this, I rolled over and felt a tinge of pain from my legs which reminded me that …
1) I had completed a 15K / 9.3mile run (jog/walk) two days ago and
2) that I obviously had not trained as much as I should have for that distance.
I began to rub my thighs and while it was not like a professional massage, it still felt good. Both the muscle soreness and the feeling of the massage were both familar feelings that reminded me of my workout and the effort it took to complete. I felt a familiar connection.
Speaking of connection, Chloe Madanes, author & psychology expert, says that everyone has 6 basic needs…
1) Certainty / Comfort / personal connection
2) Variety / Change / Uncertainty
4) Love (higher level Connection)
The bold parts above are words that I added based on my experience. I’ve found that comfort is just another word for “self-connection” and there are many different ways to connect with yourself.
Types of Self-Connection:
- Workout / muscle soreness
- “The Snooze Button”… in a nice cozy bed
- Sex (of nearly any kind)
- Any kind of touch or familar experience
- Secondary (internal) chemical reactions from other stimuli
- Direct, e.g. drugs, alcohol, etc.
- Seeing a familar sight that has meaning for you
- Hearing a favorite song or other familar sound
- Nearly anything that produces familar feelings (e.g. “comfort
What’s the Purpose?
Clearly Self-Connection serves a purpose. Even people who are depressed (especially people who are depressed), have a strong need to connect with themselves through activities that they know will produce familiar, typically pleasurable but always predictable, reactions within their body.
How does this relate to my goals?
The key is to recognize when you are going into a connection activity so you can make the conscious choice about which one you will choose.
For example, if sleeping late provides self-connection but you know that a good workout would give just as much connection … you can choose the activity that will best support your goals.
Hint… there are some days when sleeping in can be very beneficial… just be sure that you are clear about the reasons for your choice of method of self-connection.
What forms of Self-Connection do you practice?
Can you develop other connection activities that would be more beneficial?
Leave a comment below with your ideas and experiences.
I’m off to the gym.
I did not hit the snooze bar this morning and I’ve typed in this blog post (which makes me feel good) so now it is time to exercise !
d.Mark “Dave” Wheeler